I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize