So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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