Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
