He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
