I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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