Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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