Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
did i just pee glitter
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
