I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
