Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
