Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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