They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
