tell your sister to shave her snatch
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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