You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
