next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
