Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
