so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
