i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
