dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize