I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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