im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
