oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize