thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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