Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
