By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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