watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
