i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
