i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
