he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
