escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
is that a dick in a sweater?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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