please come you make the beer taste better
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
