My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
