Dual....:-)
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
