She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
