No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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