Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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