I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
