he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
