And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
