he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
