Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
