I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
