Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
