I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
