Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I stole a fireplace last night.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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