I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
