Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
