Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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