My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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