I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dick very happy bro
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
