and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
