so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
