i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
my shit smells like andre
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
