i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize