It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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