Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize