He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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