I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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