i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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