He uses pillows to masturbate.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
