Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
