I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Holy shit dude........stairs
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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