She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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