I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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