So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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