one might say we're banned from that church
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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