Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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