yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
