I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
