If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
