one might say we're banned from that church
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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