I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
