Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
