I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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