Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
