I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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