yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Do you remember whose house we're in?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
