Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I will die if light touches me.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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