are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
